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Mark's Daze
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Written by Mark D
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 A dwarf working under cover (for reasons we are not allowed to publish) for Maximumlies has reported that Salford City Council are on the verge of slapping a ban on the consumption of 'chip butties' after 11.30PM.
Local residents complain of crust littering the streets which in turn tends to attract vermin. To prove this point, local residents listed recent late night visitors as 'traffic wardens, Simon Cowell and Gary Glitter.'
Further, scientists are examining a potential link to senile dementia from late night chip butty 'nibbling'. A council spokesman confirmed that statistics reveal normal levels of intelligence diminish after 11.30PM.
'Some people have developed a new language' said the spokesman, '....which leaves only a limited vocabulary in the late evening and almost always leads the person ordering a chip butty, irrespective of what they set out to do'.
Jeremy Beadle, defending peoples rights after dark, fumed 'It's an outrage, my hand has always been like that.'
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Mark's Daze 
