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Music
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Written by Pete G
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 Frank Lennon, carpet fitter and part time country and western wanna-be, is so annoyed at the recent success of his long time friend and business partner Brian McCartney, he is threatening to break up their successful building firm and go it alone.
Lennon has had difficulty recently getting his own musical career off the ground after Brian took six weeks off to record his first album last year. 'I can't bloomin' get time to come up with me country and western bits, when all I'm doin' is Brian's plastering work. It's a nightmare. I'm a carpet fitter and music man NOT a plasterer.'
Lennon-McCartney Building Contractors Ltd has been a successful house make-over business for 12 years. In fact, some economists argue that Liverpool has seen economic revival because of the firms continual success in the area.
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Music
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Written by Pete G
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 Bay City Rollers front man Les McKeown has upset the music world by pretending that he never actually was in the band that made him so famous.
In a recent interview, for an Irish television network, Keown spoke candidly about his life since the Rollers folded.
'I don't know why people think I was ever involved with the Bay City Rollers man. It's ridiculous. I'm just another unemployed dockworker from Hull'
Keown in an apparent denial of even the fact that he is Scottish went on to say, 'I don't know how I've managed all these years, mithering fans, the press, the Government and David Suchet.'
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Music
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Written by Nick C
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 After years of speculation, debate and out right fabrication, the time may have come that the Beatles reform.
In the past, squabbles between band members had stood in the way of their long awaited reformation. But with 50% of the Beatles no longer around there doesn’t appear to be anything left to prevent the reunion.
“I still have a problem wi’ John, but I’m prepared to overlook this for the good of the music. It’s Ringo who really gets on me nerves. He better not speak to me, or even look at me otherwise I’ll smash me bleedin’ guitar round ‘is fat ‘ead.", said Paul, brother of the more famous and more talented Brian McCartney.
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Music
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Written by Pete G
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 Franz Ferdinand have won this years Highland foot-tapping competition. Up against stiff competition from Jethro Tull, the Glaswegian musicicans tapped their way to winning in a nail biting final.
Ferdinand chose the 1984 Mel and Kim classic 'Respectable' to tap to whilst fellow finalists Tull decided on New Order's tricky 'Blue Monday'.
'Blue Monday is an incredibly difficult tapping record, but if you can pull it off you'll definitely woo the judges.', judge Patrick Duffy explained, 'Tull had everything to play for, but their bass player's foot lost it in the middle eight of the New Order classic.'
Ferdinand held it together right through and as a finale they tapped and clicked fingers to Scotland's national anthem 'We are sailing'.
Well done Franz!
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Music
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Written by Nick C
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 It can be exclusively revealed by Maximumlies, that Michael Jackson was innocent of all the stuff he was ever accused of, ever. In fact news has come to light that will absolve the Prince of Pop of all charges of weirdness.
An unnamed source told a Maximumlies journalist whilst waiting for a bus outside Meadowbrook mental hospital in Salford, that Michael Jackson was in fact one of the most normal people in the world.
‘Michael’s normality has been measured against an average ‘normal’ and on a scale of 1 – 10, Michael comes in at 11. As bizarre as it sounds, the CIA’s normometer rates Michael as even more normal than the most average normal that has EVER lived.’ said the secret bus stop bloke.
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Music
