You may have noticed the great flood of charity records these days. As soon as there is a disaster anywhere in the world, it seems there is a charity record being penned within days of the news arriving on our shores. To cut down on the delay between a disaster happening and a record being released, there will now be an on-call Musician.

The process will work as follows: -
1: A Disaster happens
2: The authorities inform Simon Cowell of the nature of disaster e.g. Shortage of Chickens or a 'Crashed Plane'.
3: Simon Cowell selects the appropriate song from his catalogue of disaster songs.
4: A fax of the song is sent to the on-call musician.
5: The record is released. 
This should be within 12 hours of the first call.

‘This system is yet to be proven, but I can assure the record buying public that they will not have to wait more than 12 hours between a disaster happening and the record being on the shelves in the shops.’ said Mr Cowell.

‘Of course there is nothing for the artist to gain from these "Disaster" records. The artist on-call at the moment is Will Young, and he is gutted by the prospect. It’s just a constant publicity trail. It goes without saying that he will be reimbursed his expenses, including hotel bills, food and drink bills etc.’

The on-call musician is changed once the artist has released a disaster record. They can't be greedy!

Will Young is currently on tour around Zimbabwe, with Elton John.