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Politics
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Written by Pete G
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 Forget the Napster/peer-to-peer controversy of recent times because they were just a prelude to a new era in illegal monouvering. It appears the pioneers of music downloading/sharing might be moving on to bigger things.
Several Southern English Villages have been beset with fear, following an outbreak of 'unusual mischief'. One look at regional news programme 'Devon Today' reveals the extent of the problem.
'REAL pirates have been spotted off the coast of cornwall earlier today. Their tall ships and skull and cross-bone ensignias were visible, even without a powerful 'eye-glass', reads the devastating headline.
Somerset Police have issued a statement, 'Yes we know they're there. Yes, we know they've done some bad things. But, they're simply too dangerous to pursue.'
'If we launched our police boat and gave chase. The cannons on board any one of them pirate galleons could slice us in two.'
'we're better off playing the waiting game. They'll get bored soon enough and move on.'
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Politics
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Written by Nick C
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 The Roman Catholic Church has spoken about its unhappiness at a book claiming that Jesus was addicted to 'Rice Krispies'. A representative of the spokesman of the Vicar of Dibley slammed the book, labeling it as 'a disgrace. I couldn’t put it down. I hate it!'.
Charlie Drake is the author of the controversial book, 'Christ’s Krispies™’ which is a best seller around the world and Church leaders are worried that people will believe what the book has to say.
Arch-Cardinal Vader has said, "Drake has chosen to hypnotize his readers, using crazy evil words like ‘evidence’ and ‘proof’. I find it preposterous that people would believe what this man has to say. Why would people base their beliefs on the word of one book? I ask you! The Bible clearly states, Jesus insisted on 'Coco Pops' because '. .it turns the milk chocolatey'. I suggest the author take another look at his Bible.”
As a result of Mr. Drake’s apparent disrespect for the 'set in stone' beliefs of the church, a 'fatwa' has been issued by the Vatican.
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Politics
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Written by Nick C
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 Ordinary people throughout the country have been stockpiling on stones and pebbles since the news broke this week that they would become the new currency of our fabulous country.
A spokesman for the Bank of England had this to say on the matter, ‘Can you believe the bloody nerve of the British public. Collecting stones like there is no tomorrow. If we were to implement the new system then nearly everybody would be millionaires, and we definitely can’t have that.’
A new system will be thought of this weekend and implemented at the first opportunity. An insider from the government has tipped off Maximumlies that it could be something to do with coloured buttons.
We’ll keep you informed!
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Politics
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Written by Nick C
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 By the year 2012 we will be waving goodbye to our lovely currency, the Pound. But it won’t be replaced with the much-discussed Euro. Oh no.
Instead, the new currency will simply be stones or pebbles.
Why? Because currency as we now know it is too easy to forge. Counterfeit money is popping up all over the place these days, not just in deprived council areas or other places where undesirable people live or frequent.
The Common stone, the type that can be found on the floor is to be promoted from hard, small useless rocks to the premier currency in Europe, and will be known quite simply as ‘the British Stone’.
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Politics
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Written by Chris S
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A leaked document today suggests that the Ministry of Defence have wasted a quarter of its weekly budget on a new radio system which has proven fatal to users who have not yet received training in its appropriate use. The faulty system delivers a lethal dose of radiation if used on full power or within 6 metres of the operator.
Costing over £2.1 billion and an estimated 9 years late in delivery the team behind the project remain insistent that they have developed the perfect weapon for the modern battlefield and are confident that the M.O.D. will be entirely satisfied with the outcome.
A spokeswoman for Gendertech Systems Corp, famous for their revolutionary sex change medication, provided us with this statement.
“As a young man I served with the Para Regiment during the first Gulf engagement and stumbled across what I felt to be the ideal solution to modern urban come desert warfare”.
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Politics
