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Politics
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Written by Nick C
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 The Government issued a news statement today to anyone who cared to listen.
"Happy hours are to be abolished and replaced with 24 hr cheap drinking", said a government spokesman.
"In fact, any public house that doesn’t provide cheap, strong beer to it’s customers on a 24 hr a day basis shall be closed down and maybe even burnt to the ground by a member of Parliament. So get it sorted!"
In the light of recent discoveries, binge drinking actually increases intelligence. It’s is not the cause of trouble in and around pubs at closing time as had been previously reported by rubbish News programmes and poor web sites.
"All the fighting, stealing, swearing and spitting have got nothing to do with alcohol probably. We in the government will be starting a campaign to actively encourage binge drinking amongst the young and old alike."
"In fact we shall be making the consumption of alcohol a requirement for all the British public. Anybody found to be under the limit would have his or her license/birth certificate taken and thrown onto the fire. Get drinking you big girls."
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