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Politics
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Written by Chris S
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A leaked document today suggests that the Ministry of Defence have wasted a quarter of its weekly budget on a new radio system which has proven fatal to users who have not yet received training in its appropriate use. The faulty system delivers a lethal dose of radiation if used on full power or within 6 metres of the operator.
Costing over £2.1 billion and an estimated 9 years late in delivery the team behind the project remain insistent that they have developed the perfect weapon for the modern battlefield and are confident that the M.O.D. will be entirely satisfied with the outcome.
A spokeswoman for Gendertech Systems Corp, famous for their revolutionary sex change medication, provided us with this statement.
“As a young man I served with the Para Regiment during the first Gulf engagement and stumbled across what I felt to be the ideal solution to modern urban come desert warfare”.
“We have long been associated with the U.S.A. when it comes to war, potentially why we have been so busy recently. This association carries a high price, we are all aware of the number of friendly casualties caused by gung ho shoot first ask questions later US troops. Well imagine this if you can, our SAS officer close to enemy installations is a prime candidate for our new weapon. He has achieved his goal and identified a primary target for the US pilots to strike he obviously is killed during the standard carpet bombing run carried out by our allies, and this is the really clever part!”.
“The enemy come across the remains and find our radio intact, thinking they now have access to our transmissions they use the equipment on a higher power setting than advised and receive a lethal dose of cancer generating radiation which leads to death within a few years”.
“It is that simple the more wars we fight with our allies the more radio’s fall into enemy hands, within the next 30 years we will have irradiated all of our enemies and therefore won the war on terror”.
The Defence Minister himself was unavailable for comment as he was personally overseeing a recruitment drive at Christie’s Hospital Manchester but was alarmed that no one had told him his M.O.D. credit card had been stopped as a result of the overspend.
“Madam Stern won’t be happy as I have a three day special, sorry accommodation to settle up before I can return to Whitehall.”
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