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Politics
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Written by Pete G
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 Forget the Napster/peer-to-peer controversy of recent times because they were just a prelude to a new era in illegal monouvering. It appears the pioneers of music downloading/sharing might be moving on to bigger things.
Several Southern English Villages have been beset with fear, following an outbreak of 'unusual mischief'. One look at regional news programme 'Devon Today' reveals the extent of the problem.
'REAL pirates have been spotted off the coast of cornwall earlier today. Their tall ships and skull and cross-bone ensignias were visible, even without a powerful 'eye-glass', reads the devastating headline.
Somerset Police have issued a statement, 'Yes we know they're there. Yes, we know they've done some bad things. But, they're simply too dangerous to pursue.'
'If we launched our police boat and gave chase. The cannons on board any one of them pirate galleons could slice us in two.'
'we're better off playing the waiting game. They'll get bored soon enough and move on.'
Mayor Omerood of the Channel Island 'Guernsey', most effected by recent pirate raids, protested, 'the boat police need to get themselves on the high seas. Sharpish. Our beautiful Island has been badly affected by these scoundrels. I want them whipped.'
 Guernsey has had one hundred and twenty five large holes dug on it, is completely depleted of 'dark' rum and has had it's peace shattered by loud mandolin music playing into the early hours of the morning.
'We are powerless to protect oursleves from this kind of menace. They are simply too complicated to capture and imprison. The 'war on pirates' has begun and we're throwing in the towel already.', said Home Office minister Thomas Carpet-Wasp.
Maximulies understands the problem, but the problem with pirates is you can't look them in the eye without being cursed. So in this case the police are right. Well done!
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