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 "No-one wants it, needs it, has it or even wants to know" announced ex-luner explorer Dame Magaret Thatcher. She simply spoke like a maggot enveloped in a week-old sandwich.
She summed up recent conservative leadership races in four paragraphs. "I'm stupid, I was when I had power, I think I have power all the time, its amazing. But onto the point of leadership, I firmly believe in anything I say. I strongly believe and back un-equivicably Lord Farmingborough-Vader's view that Europe is a place that we, as post-controvertionalists, should leave both in monatary terms and in geographical location. I want this country out. I want to move the physical land-mass as far as the 'little-people' who we 'pay' can push. The pound has fed the beautiful people of Brittania for eons and will continue to do so as long as I believe. Here endeth my abilities"
Mark Thatcher, by her side for the above 'outburst', has since denied involvement in any 'little people' activity. Mark, soon to release his debut album "Lost in Africa, again" has distanced himself from the "Thatcher sound". A spokesman from RCA records reckoned on Mark firing a single shot 'across the bow' of the charts anyime soon.
Ian Duncan-Smith has lapped up the comments made by the 'Dame' and has made her a guest on next weeks 'Frank Bruno: Gloves off - for an ex MP (or PrimeMinister) show'. Frank, with several 'un-settled' issues with the lady of the 'lamp', is reported to be highly excited at the prosepect and has not 'enjoyed' a good show since fellow host Jim Davidson left.
Ken Clarke, an 'ill-fitting' suit exposer, declared "Whats it all about you bunch of weirdos. I don't proclaim to begin to understand anything about the stuff that's been said, but I'm sure I'm right. The Lord has spoken, without your thoughts, I shall win."
Jeremy Paxman summed up the afair with a simple "If they win the world will end, if the others win the world will end anyway"
Wise words.
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