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Science
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Written by Nick C
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 Due to the lack of applicants for the previously featured job ‘Pooper Scooper’, Government officials have been forced to find uses for the increasing mountain of dog poo that is building up by the day.
Scientists, along side sh*t experts have uncovered revolutionary new health benefits from the use of ‘dog poo’. ‘We have found that a tablespoon of powdered white dog muck in your morning coffee or tea can increase your multi-reactionary connotations to levels unheard of before.
Also, a newly developed tablet, made up of potassium and moist, fresh dog do, have been shown to improve some things a little bit’, said the chief scientist bloke.
‘I have been taking MDP (Moist Dog Poo) for over a year now, and I have never felt better’, said the 13-year-old pharmacologist Brian McBrian. ‘Despite the recent growth of my third arm and the lengthening of my right leg, my health has never been better’.
Bed bound Brian is now so impressed with the benefits he has found with MDP, that doctors have had a dripped fitted so he can be fed with his favourite variety of excrement 24 hours a day.
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