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Science
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Written by Nick C
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 In an attempt to set the country off in a wild panic scientists, in association with top politicians, have announced their latest attempt at scaremongering. In order to keep the people malleable, the Government have bombarded the public in recent months with stories of war, starvation and terrorism.
The most recent fear inducing news item is the poisoning of the tap water throughout Britain. Anybody who may have drank any tap water either in a brew or straight from the tap, should make themself an appointment at the Doctor’s or check into your local A&E department to have your stomach pumped.
The incident came about when workers at water treatment plants around the country spontaneously decided to add unknown chemicals, found lying around the place to the water. The effects of these chemicals on humans has not been established. Although they have not been tested on humans before, tests on laboratory mice show that this particular chemical can cause terrible things to happen.
The Health Minister said, ‘After the chemicals had been discovered in the water by a team of pesky non-governmental do-gooders, we had to issue a statement to the public warning the public of the health risks.’
‘I can assure the public that this is the first time any such thing has happened and we will ensure there is no such scandal again. In the future, steps will be taken to guard against any poisonous chemicals being detected, and thus avoiding embarrassing situations like this again.’
I should hope so too!
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