|
Sport
|
|
Written by Pete G
|
|
 Arsenal vol-au-vent Arsen Wenger has sent shivers through the stock exchange by launching a bid to buy Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich.
'I am simply not for sale', pleaded Abramovich, 'I don't know who he thinks he is the French weirdo.'
'Technically there's nothing stopping Wenger putting a successful offer in to own Abramovich. He protected his assets with contracts, price tags and legal things. But neglected to protect himself against this kind of malicious purchase', said Wengers legal team, 'we just valued his bones, skin and brain and popped the offer in the post. £17.85 is what he'll get if we're successful.'
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Sport
|
|
Written by Pete G
|
|
 Brian Lara, celebrity cricketer and money making machine is set to make sporting history by inventing and playing a new game of cricket with golf balls and tennis racquets.
'I love my cricket, but something's always been missing from it', said Lara,'so I hit upon the idea of changing things around a bit whilst on holiday in Belgium last year.'
Lara has managed to talk two county cricket teams (Flirkshire and Bashupton County) into joining his newly formed breakaway league. Both teams will play each other 24 times in the upcoming season.
So what's the killer reason for the public to dip into the world of Lara-Cricket? 'In normal cricket you can hit the ball hard and it goes pretty far sometimes. But, with this new cricket you can really waz the ball for miles with a bit of practice.'
That sounds like our kind of waz!
|
|
Sport
|
|
Written by Pete G
|
|
 The recently built sports centre in Flirkshire has become extremely popular in the last few weeks due to the range of activities it offers its patrons. Feast your eyes on the Flirkshire Herald's roundup of the range of sports available;
Indoor Sky Diving – This popular new indoor sport that’s sweeping the nation. Please provide your own life support machine and other life saving equipment.
American Long ball – Very similar to Danish long ball. Replace the word ‘ball’ with ‘explosives’ and you’ll get the idea.
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
Sport
|
|
Written by Nick C
|
|
 Spanish soccer team and super rich ‘Galacticos’, Real Madrid, have broken all previous transfer records, in the purchase of unheard of Norwich playmaker Jiminy Cricket.
Jiminy, 33, has been at Norwich since it’s formation and although he had vowed never to leave the club, the extraordinary bid made by Real Madrid was too big for the club to refuse.
Norwich Chairman, Bernard Manning Jr, said of the deal, ‘Even though we would like Jiminy Baby to stay, the £16 billion with both Ronaldinho and Zidane in part exchange, was just too good to be true. Although we think the amount written on the cheque was probably a misprint, we cashed it in as quickly as we could before they realised their mistake.’
|
|
Read more...
|
|
Sport
|
|
Written by Pete G
|
|
 Boxing's 'Big Hitter' Harry 'who's yo mamma' Carpenter announced today his intention to sue a number of prominent celebrities. His litigation explosion comes about following his decision to retire from a colourful career in boxing talk. He listed possible targets as;
(i) Frank Bruno : for his repeated use of catchphrases such as 'know what I mean Harry'. Carpenter is looking for a reported £1.75 for every mention of 'Harry' in previous Bruno statements.
(ii) Clint Eastwood : for, in Carpenters own words, 'dragging the Harry trademark through the gutter via the 'Dirty' description'. He also added 'If Eastwood thinks his films are an accurate depiction of my life he's way off the mark....I've valued these inconsistencies at £937'.
|
|
Read more...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Page 1 of 2 |
Sport
