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Sport
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Written by Pete G
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 Arsenal vol-au-vent Arsen Wenger has sent shivers through the stock exchange by launching a bid to buy Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich.
'I am simply not for sale', pleaded Abramovich, 'I don't know who he thinks he is the French weirdo.'
'Technically there's nothing stopping Wenger putting a successful offer in to own Abramovich. He protected his assets with contracts, price tags and legal things. But neglected to protect himself against this kind of malicious purchase', said Wengers legal team, 'we just valued his bones, skin and brain and popped the offer in the post. £17.85 is what he'll get if we're successful.'
 The Monopolies and Mergers committee are looking into the deal. If Wenger is successful he'll own a man who owns a company who owns a large stake in another football team. They are trying to work out if this is 'weird' or not.
Football eh? It's amazing.
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