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TV Review
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Written by Nick C
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Least Haunted Live – This week the team visit another average location where nothing out of the ordinary happens. Using top of the range scientific gadgets they appear to pick up high levels of inactivity. An all night vigil produces some great footage of an all night vigil.
Flame Academy - 1000’s of young people audition to become Britain’s next celebrity arsonist. Brixton is the town to host this week’s audition and the fire brigade are on stand-by, in case what happened last week in Glasgow happens again. Hosted by Patrick Kielty and Cat Deeley. Also live from Glasgow Generals burns unit.
Daniel O’Donnell’s TV Masterpiece – 'Danny boy' wows a coach party from Fleetwood. Pensioners gasp themselves to sleep as Daniel groans his laboured repertoire. Watch out for the great special effects during his characterless version of ‘Come on Eileen’.
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TV Review
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Written by Pete G
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The BBC have unveiled plans for the years TV scheduling. In a bid to prize people away from the evil ITV empire the BBC is pulling out the stops with the following programming highlights;
(1) Who's the best? - Celebrity guests ask and tell each other 'who is the best'
(2) 10 Cheeses for chess pieces - BBC3 starts it's new culinary and games season with this intrigueing mix of classic game and dairy produce
(3) What happened when you went to the moon? - an intense lighthearted look at NASA's involvemnt in our closest neighbour. A huge list of astronaughts, who went to the moon, will appear to answer questions.
(4) Don't be daft - Barry Manilow, Jack Nicholson and Henry Cooper present a new live Saturday evening mello-drama. Barry will sing on the streets, Jack will eat in all the restaurants in Britain and Henry will 'hold the show together with wit and charm'. Now that's a winner!
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TV Review
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Written by Nick C
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 It’ll be Alright On The Night - Highly paid celebrities, getting paid even more for all their mistakes.
Fergal Sharkey’s Britain - Fergal Sharkey tells us how Britain would be if he was in charge. This Week, Fergal brings back hanging and legalizes heroin.
Bird Watching with Bill Oddie - Bill Oddie makes his way to Brighton nudist beach to do a spot of bird watching. Know what I mean! Dirty bugger.
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TV Review
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Written by Nick C
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 The World is round - A bloke ages ago discovered this. I can’t remember his name or how he did it, but trust me, it’s round. I know cause I saw it on TV one night.
The Speed of Light is . . . really fast – If you think your car is fast, just watch how fast light can go. Phew. Now that’s fast. How do I know? I saw it on TV.
The Pyramid’s at Giza – Years ago a team of blokes got together and built some big pyramids. Apparently they were built for standing on top of and looking toward the horizon. Don’t know why, but for more information check your TV guide.
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TV Review
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Written by Nick C
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East Enders
In the square this week, Dirty Den comes back from the dead for a third time as he manages to break through his concrete overcoat after 6 years of being buried underground. Babs, Phil and Grant return after 3 years off. Mark Fowler recovers from aids and returns after 3 years off. Wicksy returns after 10 years off. Lofty returns after 15 years off. Just a typical week in Walford really.
Coronation Street
After the revelation about the soaps reality status, Ken Barlow shrugs off his nice bloke image, and whips up hatred in the Rovers Return. The cast proceed to burn and loot the street. Mike Baldwin comes back from the dead and shags Monica, Tyrone’s pet dog.
Emmerdale
Turner realises he’s forgotten his lines and looses his mind in war games with the President. The Vicar massacres a flock of sheep and aliens abduct Jack Sugden.
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TV Highlights
