All the latest MUSIC articles!

Amy Winehouse Launches Off-Licence Chain
music - author: Pete
amy winehouse It seems that in order to really monopolise on her recent chart success Amy Winehouse has launched her very own chain of off-licences.

'They wanted me to go to rehab, but I said no I'd open a chain of off-licence premises to help me keep my head together', Winehouse has told Maximumlies.

Her first shop opens next week and is based in her home town of Ekup, North London. 'Winehouse Warehouse (wines, beers and strong spirits) Ltd' as the chain will be known will open with the usual Winehouse show-time flair.

She is expected to play a short live set at the shop then join the locals for what's billed as a 'good ole knees up' drinking specially designed vodka from her family's drinks cabinet.......Full story...
Jesus Jones Saves TV
music - author: Pete
the saviours Like a breath of fresh air, revisions to the Spring BBC TV listings have unearthed some true gems of televisual entertainment.

Heading the list of must see programming is the intriguing sounding 'Just who is the Best Saviour - reality face off!' (No preview tape was made available)

It appears that when 1980's 'hit-master' Jesus Jones proclaimed last year he was 'the saviour' he stirred up a hotbed of saviour activity amongst competing claimants and the BBC intends to bring the raging debate to a televised crescendo.

The show, it appears, will follow Mr Jones on a mythical journey, joining fellow saviour-chaser David Icke in Mexico. The format is a simple two-day face off in the snappily titled 'Best new saviour wins everything, including 'Saviour Title' Competition'.

But Jones and Icke won't be alone in Mexico. Other challengers for the illustrious title include Brian Blessed, Valerie Singleton and Prince Andrew, who will all be in attendance and eagerly competing.

'We've been in Saviour training camp now for 3 weeks.......Full story...
Stalker Shoots for the Starr's
music - author: Pete
Horatio Starr Horatio Starr, celebrity deer stalker and part time drummer in Brian McCartney and Frank Lennon's music ensemble, is to sensationally quit stalking in an attempt to outdo his three part-time band mates for control of the charts this year.

'It's bloomin' brilliant deer stalking as we all know. But, I've got a score to settle with them quibbling monkeys I've been happily drumming with for the last, god knows how many years.'

'I'm paid piece meal like me old mucker McCauley Harrison, so if they're arguing and falling out, the house business suffers. People are crying out for deer stalking in the gardens of their luxury homes and the work is going elsewhere.'

Starr has written and recorded a 'triple album' of 'traditional stalking numbers with a wonderful Christian twist'.

'I thought triple sounded better than double,' explained Starr recently to Maximumlies, 'and the public won't mind my repetition of a few numbers within the play list. It's a small price for such a wonderful piece of work.......Full story...
Take That Reform, Angering Real Take That
music - author: Pete
take that The music industry was rocked this week by a story about squeaky clean boy band 'Take That', when they were reported by the popular press, as ready to reform and tour throughout next year.

Anyone reading the news reports, with a lack of absolute concentration, would have believed they were seeing the 'old favourites' rejoined and about to set off on another magical and successful career.

But, Maximumlies 'concentrates' when it reads news stories. We find the real truth in things other people and news organisations miss and we promise to reveal all here......Full story...
Prince William Turns to Death Metal
music - author: Pete
throne death In an attempt to throw off his 'not quite as hard as my brother' image, Prince William has set up an exciting new death metal band named 'Throne Death'.

'It's always been my dream really', William has told Maximumlies, 'a metal band in the style of death music. With really jolly hard sounding harps and mandolins.'

William's 'People' have arranged a number of exclusive gigs in and around Windsor Castle. He'll play the conservatory, the drawing room and as a tour finale the 'Winter rose garden.......Full story...
Lights Out for Harrison?
music - author: Pete
harrison welding McCauley Harrison, pipe welder and pot pouri fanatic has fallen foul of the recent disagreements between Frank Lennon and Brian McCartney .

'My livelihood is down the river without an outboard motor my darling,' Harrison told local paper The Livertiser, 'work has dried up and with then two morons arguing all the time and my music is suffering as well. Nightmare scenario numero uno.......Full story...
Michael's Moonwalk in the Sun
music - author: Nick
holidayMichael Jackson's pigmentation disorder has recently been reversed after a holiday and had profound effects on the appearance of the singer. A spokesman to the star said, ‘The world didn’t believe it when Michael claimed he has never had any surgery on his face. When he returns from his break, you’ll see for yourself, the extraordinary effects the sun has on him’.

Full Story here . . ....Full story...

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