All the latest SPORT articles!

The Return of the Two Rons
sport - author: Pete
the two rons When the BBC announced that after 140 years of broadcasting it was bringing to an end the show 'Grandstand', little thought was initially given to what would replace its flagging lead sports programme.

However, in a move that has stunned Brazil, the BBC has signed both Ronaldinho and Ronaldo to present a 'new comedy sports show, based entirely in Portuguese.'

'The Two Rons Talk Sport' will appear on our screens in November, ready for the start of the new Premiership season and covering all aspects of Sport including underwhelming past times such as Bicycle Racing and Cricket.

The Two Rons are reported to be excited by the prospect of their first full time job in broadcasting and satisfied that the language barrier will not be a problem to the British viewing public.......Full story...
Fishy Happenings at Wembley Park
sport - author: Pete
new wembley Today, in an apparent complete u-turn, the UK Government has announced that 'The new Wembley Stadium will be finished by 2012 and will be open for business as expected as an oval park, where people can walk and fish under the beautiful arch of protection.'

Sports minister Diane Oxenbridge has denied reports that the Government has changed its intentions over the project, stating 'The Wembley Project was always intended to be a large park, with superb fishing lake in the centre.'

When one inquisitive journalist asked, 'The need to have 80,000 seats in a park that has a primary purpose of walking and fishing seems absurd', the minister replied, 'walking and fishing are popular, we have provided a means to watch. That's all.........Full story...
Tennis Legend Connors Handy Idea
sport - author: Pete
jimmy connors Tennis star Jimmy Connors has come a long way since concluding his successful on-court career. The vast amount of tournament winnings Connors secured during his successful years enabled him to pump finance into his innovative 'Connor Creations' business.

With last years product failure firmly tucked away, Connors has said 'the tennis based teeth whitener product may not have captured the imagination of the public, but my new invention certainly will.'

Connors has taken the concept of the simple glove and injected his typical 'tennis flare' into it. He has created what he calls, 'a tennis based glove that you DON'T need to change when it's time to hit the court exit.......Full story...
Dennis Taylor Implicated in Specsaver Collapse
sport - author: Pete
dennis taylor Wide eyed snooker genius Dennis Taylor has put popular eye deficiency promoters 'Specsavers' out of business this week with a string of unprovoked 'two-for-one deal' usage's and abuses.

It is well known that, over the years, Dennis has worn some of most outrageous and technically advanced glasses the world has ever produced. Resulting in the award winning 'molecular view' pair that won him the 1986 world snooker crown.

'Using molecules Dennis manipulated time and space......Full story...
Horwich People Behold Russian Saviour
sport - author: Pete
russian bloke Russian billionaire James Karenovic has made an uneasy start to his foray into English football.

Smitten as a child by the 'beautiful game' Karenovic recently made a knee jerk compulsory purchase of Horwich United Football Club thinking, with his financial might, he could turn it into a dominant force in the Premiership League.

Karenovic installed new lighting at Horwich FC's 140 seater 'all weather' playing field and revamped a previously underused catering van. He commissioned a kit re-design, in yellow and mauve, and bought legendary striker Ronaldo from Real Madrid to 'help Horwich beat Blackrod Academical in next weeks Crown Paints League derby thriller'.....Full story...
French Victory No Mystery
sport - author: Pete
french ski jumper French Ski Jumper Jon-Paul Guiltyhomme has re-written the record books by jumping the length of his native France whilst preparing for the forthcoming Winter Olympics in Hawaii.

His home made slide built into the Pyrenees Mountain range that borders France and Spain measures 10 miles in length and boasts an alleged gradient of 1:1.

His ski's were jointly developed and financed by Airbus Industries and Chelsea Football Club PLC......Full story...
In Formation Technology
sport - author: Nick
sebcoe1After London’s successful Olympic bid for 2012, Sebastian Coe and Co. have now implemented measures aiming to ensure those Olympics will be the most successful ever, in terms of medals for Britain.

Sebastian, also a dab hand with electronic devices, has developed an android capable of competing in various Olympic events such as synchronised swimming . . . ...Full story...

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